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First of all.... Introduction

Hi all,

My name is A (not my real name, but the nature of this blog will require me to be a bit mysterious, and what is life without a little mystery?). I am a guy trying to figure out life, currently in the last year of my 20's (I don't feel old lol) with a lot of decisions to make in the near future.

Lets get this out of the way first... I am Muslim and I am GAY. Whilst these don't go hand in hand (I am trying to figure out a way I can reconcile both) it is who I am, and I don't want that to change. I realise this blog can incite a lot of hate, especially as I am breaking a cardinal sin of Islam by being GAY, but I want to write this to help others who may have gone through the same struggles I am going through now. Also to share my stories and maybe hear some of yours.

My story starts a few years ago, when I finally accepted the fact I was gay. I had known for a long time (since I was 9) but decided to not focus on that. I went to uni and even then was struggling to be who I wanted to be. I convinced myself that I wasn't going to be gay if I didn't think about it (but then secretly would find gay porn and masturbate to it). As long as I wasn't looking for a hookup I thought I was fine. But really looking back at it I was just kidding myself, and now feel that I wasted those years when I really shouldn't have. But after a while I decided to at least owe it to myself to try and find happiness (whatever that means).

So I started off by telling myself out loud that I was gay. I was 26 and found this a lot harder than I had thought. I spent years trying to keep those feelings hidden, but now was bringing them up the surface and dealing with them head on. I realised though this was the first step I needed to do in order to accept who I was. That was it, there was no going back. I still kept it quiet to myself for a while but over time I changed and my outlook on life changed.

So here I am now, 3 years later (undecided if i'm 3 years wiser or more lost lol) and deciding on the next steps I need to take. I have told a few friends (more on that in a later post) and feel ready to take on the biggest challenge  - telling my family! (Dun dun dun). It will be scary, but something I might have to do.

Anyway thank you for stoping by, I will update you regularly on events in my life, as well as feelings I am having as and when they happen.

Love,

A
x

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