Skip to main content

First of all.... Introduction

Hi all,

My name is A (not my real name, but the nature of this blog will require me to be a bit mysterious, and what is life without a little mystery?). I am a guy trying to figure out life, currently in the last year of my 20's (I don't feel old lol) with a lot of decisions to make in the near future.

Lets get this out of the way first... I am Muslim and I am GAY. Whilst these don't go hand in hand (I am trying to figure out a way I can reconcile both) it is who I am, and I don't want that to change. I realise this blog can incite a lot of hate, especially as I am breaking a cardinal sin of Islam by being GAY, but I want to write this to help others who may have gone through the same struggles I am going through now. Also to share my stories and maybe hear some of yours.

My story starts a few years ago, when I finally accepted the fact I was gay. I had known for a long time (since I was 9) but decided to not focus on that. I went to uni and even then was struggling to be who I wanted to be. I convinced myself that I wasn't going to be gay if I didn't think about it (but then secretly would find gay porn and masturbate to it). As long as I wasn't looking for a hookup I thought I was fine. But really looking back at it I was just kidding myself, and now feel that I wasted those years when I really shouldn't have. But after a while I decided to at least owe it to myself to try and find happiness (whatever that means).

So I started off by telling myself out loud that I was gay. I was 26 and found this a lot harder than I had thought. I spent years trying to keep those feelings hidden, but now was bringing them up the surface and dealing with them head on. I realised though this was the first step I needed to do in order to accept who I was. That was it, there was no going back. I still kept it quiet to myself for a while but over time I changed and my outlook on life changed.

So here I am now, 3 years later (undecided if i'm 3 years wiser or more lost lol) and deciding on the next steps I need to take. I have told a few friends (more on that in a later post) and feel ready to take on the biggest challenge  - telling my family! (Dun dun dun). It will be scary, but something I might have to do.

Anyway thank you for stoping by, I will update you regularly on events in my life, as well as feelings I am having as and when they happen.




Popular posts from this blog

Welcome to my house

Hi All, I got the best news this week! I’m going to be a home (flat) owner!!!! For those that know me and my story you will know that this is a big deal. It means I can finally move out of my parents place and start living life the way I want to, and in pride month no less. What better opportunity could I ask for? It means that I can live with the love of my life, and do all the cute and fun couple-y things that we were always meant to do.  It means I can just be me. That’s the main point really. No more hiding who I am, no more having to answer to others. Free to be who I want, go where I want, come back to the flat whoever I want. It’s not like I’m in a jail sentence at home, but the comments made on how late I come back home do take their toll. I’m the type of person who wants it to be easy, don’t cause too much of a fuss and that way no fights or arguments happen. I mean I am human and I will provoke sometimes, but for the most part I’m easy going and want things to be

This is the end

Hi All, I hope you have all been well, and that these troubled times of COVID are getting better in your respective countries. Thankfully with the vaccines out things will eventually get better and somewhat back to normal. I hope everyone is staying strong during these times too, as they are tough and have really tested humanity to almost breaking point. I realise it has been a long time since my last post. I mentioned a few posts ago that I have run out of things to say about my journey. I have a wonderful partner, a lovely home with him and a nice balance with my family who I can keep my secret life a secret from. So things are going well. This is something the 'me' of a few years ago would have never imagined. I remember a time when I was doubtful I would ever be this happy and in a long term relationship. But I persevered and am better for it now. Even during a pandemic and lockdown(s) I have remained happy, and thankful that I could still work.  I guess one of the reasons


Hi all, Hope everyone is keeping safe from the pandemic and that the pressures are starting to ease off a little in terms of lockdown. It has definitely been a strange year, and it will continue to be for a little while longer. I honestly feel we should write off 2020 and forget it ever happened. Despite all the tragedies and despair there have been nice things to come from it. People are being friendlier towards each other and helping neighbours. They are innovating in times of need and helping out in any way that they can. It will be tough to move forward, and the effects of the lockdown will last for a generation, but we will endure. My post is about a little gem that I found on Disney+ called Out. It's a short animation about a closeted gay man who is struggling to tell his parents about his boyfriend, and the reason he is moving because of it. This is a first for Disney, as they have never really showed an out and proud gay character in anything before. They have alluded