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I still get...

Jealous. Well jealousy in general. Its a beast that needs to be tamed sometimes. Feeling jealous of someone because you feel they are better than you isn't a good feeling to have. I try to forego this emotion, but jealousy always rears its ugly head.

Let me set the scene. Me and my friend V are at the club. A gay club to be precise. Since coming out to V he has taken it upon himself to induct me into the gay world, promising me tips and tricks to pull. So far I have realised that he has the same insecurities as me and the same hang ups so there isn't much learning going on. Anyway, V is good looking. He is tall, slim and tattoo'ed. Guys seem to like this. Every time we are out together he will get hit on. Now initially this didn't bother me. Like I have said in previous posts everyone has a type and people that they find attractive. So i just stand there whilst he dismisses these guys as he is in a relationship.

But it gets me thinking. Why doesn't anyone ever hit on me? Like seriously. Do I repel people? I would like to think that  am slightly above average in looks, but I guess not. Clearly I am not what guys are looking for. Well at least the guys that go to G-A-Y. Maybe my crowd is somewhere else? Maybe I don't give off the vibe that allows people to feel comfortable talking to me. Or maybe I am too stunning and they are lost for words (even I am laughing at that one lol).

It could be something deeper than that. I have read articles and peoples blogs about racism in the gay scene, and that how Asian men are not seen as attractive by the masses. Racism does still exist in this world, case in point the new president of the states (god help us all), and this could be plausible. But you would think given that I am in London that there would be one person out there kind enough to hit on me.

Part of it is that I don't know how to flirt in real life. Give a WhatsApp and I will be the most charming person in the world, but face to face I would be dorky and uncool. I am working on this though. The other part is that I thought Mr LA was the love of my life and that I didn't want to find anyone else as this would be cheating on him. Sadly I was mistaken and Mr LA didn't see me as boyfriend potential.

Therefore I will actively try to flirt and talk to people. I am already trying this on a daily basis, get out of my comfort zone and gain confidence. It seems to be going well so far. So watch this space, my next entry could be about the first guy to come to me at a club and flirt!



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