Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from 2017

I don't trust you anymore

Hi All, It's come to that time again in my house. Re-modelling and re-decorating. After the fiasco that happened with the previous bathroom, any work now needs to be a whole lot better to keep the peace in the house. It was time for bathroom number 2. This is the main bathroom downstairs, and needs to be perfect as more people will see it. Thankfully me and my sister convinced my dad to get professionals from a well known company to do the work for us. It was a damn sight more expensive, but the saying is true, you get what you pay for. We still had some minor issues to work out, namely the boiler being within the bathroom, and this caused my mum to have another meltdown on us, but thankfully the 2 week timescale was only extended by 4 days. The finished result looks great, although there are some very minor finishing touches to do which will be done later this week. The fun only just begun. When re-decorating a house it is easy to want to update other parts to bring new l

Round my hometown

Hi All, It’s been a good few weeks since my last post, so much has happened and I’ve been super busy. I had a job interview that I didn’t get (there will be other opportunities), I had a semi serious chat with my dad about future plans (still not out, but am more confident now) and I started packing for my holiday. Well, I was packing for a holiday that didn’t quite pan out, so being the resourceful me, I decided to staycation. For those that don’t know, staycationing is having a holiday within your own city (or town). It may not sound like a holiday to some, but think of it this way, how much of your own city have you actually seen? How many sights have you been to? How many secret treasures are there to be found within your hometown? For me the answers were a list of things I haven’t done. Being a Londoner I have taken my city for granted. For instance I have never even been up Primrose Hill to see the views. So instead of packing for a week in warmer climates, I changed a few bit

Nobody knows it but you’ve got a secret smile

Hi All, It’s been a crazy few weeks recently. My new beau is amazing as always; my hair is going through a transition period from brown to grey (on purpose) and work has been great as I’ve been learning more and more. Not only have I been learning more about the job itself, but more about the manager, who recently I have come to suspect is also gay. Now when you speak to him you wouldn’t have your gaydar flashing, however after a few conversations and a few subtle questions here and there I think I have cracked the code. Let me tell you a bit about him. He is quite direct when he speaks, almost intimidating (although I don’t get intimidated), however has times where he is jovial and fun too. I think because he has some serious responsibilities he goes into a work persona and has a one track mind because of it. But outside of that he is relatively funny. He is also Muslim, and I think may be going through the same issues I had when accepting my sexuality. Perhaps this is why he doe

Change clothes and go

Hi All, I’m an effort to have more of a life I have been going out after work at least once a week. It’s been great as I get to meet my new man, and I also getting to live a little! (Yay for living). As part of that I don’t always want to be out wearing my work clothes. Although they are comfortable and I do dress well for work, it’s nice to relax and wear something fresh. Makes you feel like you have put effort in, and can get out of the clothes you’ve been wearing and working in all day. This means I have to be proactive with what clothes I take (I don’t like creases) and where I can get changed into said clothes. I have therefore mastered the art of the quick change in the toilets. Not the most glamourous place to get changed, but it’s effective. Thankfully there are clean toilets in the places where I work, which helps a lot as I don’t like smelly toilets (I will turn around and hold it all in!). It’s not too difficult to get changed in a cubicle either. You may get some stran

Do it right

Hi All, You may have heard on the news about recent events in Australia regarding the chamber in laws against same sex marriages. If you haven't, then we'll let's just say Australia are in the dark ages with this issue and really need to reform. I never realised that they didn't already have legalised same sex marriages, as I thought this would have been something that would have been addressed years ago. But here we are in 2017 and still there are countries that are considered to have 'western ideals' that haven't changed their laws for the LGBTQIA communities. The polls have not been an easy ride so far. Demonstrations have occurred from communities that abhor same alex marriage and even recently people funded a sky wrter to write 'vote no' in the sky above Sydney. These are powerful statements from the people who wish to eradicate LGBTQIA from Australia, and would rather not have any other people than heterosexuals in Australia. Those same pe

Sometimes I don't want to feel those metal clouds

Hi All, I have had a wonderful past few weeks. Bae is becoming my new obsession and I love every moment with him. We have had some wonderful times together and hopefully plenty more to come, oh and I also dyed my hair grey. That's right, on purpose. So far it's getting rave results and people are being complimentary. Well except for my mum, but she will come around, I will make her. In terms of my life things are going well as I hope they stay this way. However, something in recent news has got me agitated, and not in a good way. I am referring to a news story regarding L'Oréal and their treatment of a transgender model. For those of you who aren't aware, I am referring to Munroe Bergdorf. She is a black transgender model, and for the briefest of moments was part of the diversity campaign by L'Oréal for their new foundation range, quotes for every colour and promoting inclusivity. I say briefly part of the campaign as what they did was heinous, and downright wr

I got new rules

Hi All, It's been a hectic few weeks for me. SO much has happened and its been exciting, scary, more excitement, nervous and wonderful at times too. I have had a wedding, a cousin taken ill suddenly, a colleague having to take a serious leave from work and something else.. It's escaping me.. What have I forgotten? Oh that's right... I'VE MET THE MOST AMAZING GUY EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't even express into words how he makes me feel! I'm so giddy, excited and smile so much these days. We have met up a few times and its been simply blissful. He is intelligent, witty, caring, beautiful in all senses of the word and has the most mesmerising eyes I have ever seen. He also knows of this blog and may be reading this now, so if you are the here's a kiss from me to you (xxx). Oh yeah, he has read the blog, well some of it anyway, and so far he doesn't seem deterred (I will continue writing now pretending you aren't reading just so it's easier x).

Fat, femme and Asian

Hi All, It's been a few hectic weeks for me recently, mainly with work, but also some fun, which was really needed. As part of said fun I was using the apps trying to find the 'one' (or the one right now). However, I noticed that a lot more profiles were being very specific with what they were looking for. This isn't uncommon within the gay dating app community, but more or less every other profile was describing their ideal hookup or partner. This can be a good thing as you can see if you match the description and are more likely to get a response (people still don't have manners and will choose not to reply to a profile they don't like), and maybe even meet up. I get it, it makes things easier and I like that preferences are out in the open, as you can find what you want and not have to put much effort into it. That's all well and good, until you see the 'no asians' or 'whites only' profiles. Now this can start a whole debate on racism

Knowing me, knowing you

(Ah-haa) Hi All, The last few weeks for me have been really busy. I finished (and survived Ramadan - Whoop Whoop!) and have been settling back into eating during the day, working and sex (lol). I recently wrote an article for TheGayUK regarding my experiences of reconciling my religion and sexuality (https://www.thegayuk.com/comment-can-you-be-muslim-and-gay/). Reading the comments for this got me thinking about an aspect of the article where I say that I was born gay and knew this from when I was young. This got me thinking back to the exact moments in my life where it was cemented in my mind that I was gay. Let me take you back to primary school (for those not in the UK this is elementary school). I was 8/9 years old and didn't really know what my sexuality was. We had done some health classes in school and talked about aspects of puberty, but sexuality wasn't really discussed in any form. This was in the mid 90's (before you say or think anything I'm still you

Somewhere over the rainbow

Hi All, Happy Pride Month! I hope everyone is celebrating and enjoying their respective pride festivals and parades. Me? Oh I can't celebrate or enjoy pride as I'm fasting, and that has been the case for every year since I accepted my sexuality and myself. It started a few years ago when I finally accepted myself. At that time I wasn't thinking about the community, more so myself and the journey I had made, decisions I took and the revelation that came before me. Of course I knew before that I was gay, but only after I accepted myself did I really feel truly happy about it all. I made a promise then to try and integrate more with the gay community (I mean how else would I find the one right?). That meant going to gay clubs and actually being gay (lol), trying out the apps (yes we all have at some point), dating, being 'out' in public (within reason, there are still people in my life who I feel don't need to know), coming out to my sister etc. The list goes

Ramadan Kareem, Mubarak, Mabrook and other greetings

Hi All, As you may know the month of Ramadan is upon us. For those of you that do not know Ramadan is a holy month in the Islamic calendar where muslims all around the world fast between dawn and sunset for around 29-30 days. There are many reasons why we fast such as: It teaches us patience (as you cannot eat or drink anything, so you can imagine the patience it takes to not think about food and overcome your hunger pangs) Reminds us how the less fortunate may not be able to eat or drink on a daily basis (so essentially humbling ourselves and being thankful for what we have) Re-connects us with our spirituality (as you pray more and read the Quran) Become more charitable (as we donate to charity within this month - as well as in other months too, but more emphasis is put within this month) Being that the days are really long within the UK people often ask me 'don't you find it hard?', 'I don't think I could do that, how do you manage?' or tell me th

Say my name, say my name

Hey all, Have you ever had that moment when you meet someone and they tell you their name, but after a while you forget what it was and it's way too awkward to ask them again? Then you see them again and hope that they don't remember yours as you have totally forgotten theirs, and pray to god you're not with someone else to have to introduce them? Well this doesn't usually happen to me, but did happen to a guy I hooked up with recently. It started about a week ago, I was going through a horny phase after a dry spell. I recently had a lot of stress at home as well so wanted to let off some steam. So Grindr came to the rescue. I got chatting to a guy (R) and he was up for some fun, so I got ready and went over on Sunday night (I was fortunate enough to have the house to myself so I could easily leave without everyone asking me where I was going). I got to his and we went straight (lol) to it. The sex was good, and it was needed. But one thing I made sure to do was to

Where there is a flame someone's bound to get burned

Hey All, This week has been a week like no other. On the surface of it all it seems like a normal week, we get up, we go about our daily routines and then we all go to sleep. But there is a heavy air in the house recently, and it stems from one person... Mum. Those of you have read my previous post will know that we are getting our bathroom re-modelled. This has not been a smooth ride and has caused my mum to become angry at all of us for every mistake that has happened. She fails to see that they are very minor details and we cannot control everything. But in her head we are to blame for everything and that is final. She has this tendency to do this a lot. She is never happy with what has been done and always wants more or find fault. This is to the detriment of my dad who bears the brunt of all her constant nagging and negative comments. But when she is like this no-one is really safe. Now I know that in every healthy relationship there will be arguments and fights. This is no

Empty spaces fill me up with hope

Hey All, These last few weeks have been a mixture of being busy, bored, disgusted, fed-up and Netflix. I realise Netflix isn't an emotion or feeling, but it has made up a good chunk of my time (Go Prison Break!). Let start with the emotions and feelings. We have been in the process of re-modelling the upstairs bathroom. It was all exciting at first as I got to go and choose stuff I wanted (I love design and designing spaces - if I weren't a science geek I would be a fabulous interior designer). All the stuff had come through and all we needed was a builder to do the work. After a few people came and saw the job and gave us quotes, we went with someone who was in the middle of the prices given. He could start straight away, which was good as I wanted the new bathroom as soon as possible. He started, but this quickly spiralled, and a 7 day job is still ongoing almost three weeks later! Days 1 and 2: He ripped out the old bathroom and tidied up the walls. The space was empty

Work Work Work Work Work Work

Hey All, Recently I have been getting back into the swing of working full time (albeit irregular hours and days, but definitely more than when I was a student). The nature of my work has me contracting in different places, and this is fun as I get to travel and work with new teams constantly. The downside is waking up at 6am to get ready for a day, and always having to check my calendar (double check and triple check) where I am for the day. So far it has gone well, with a few glitches here and there due to missed bookings and admin. I have realised how much I have missed work (and the money). However, when working a lot I tend to forget about other aspects of my life as I focus a lot on my job. This is something I have always done, as I was taught to work hard and achieve my dreams. My dreams of doing a PhD have already been realised, and now my dream is to find a full-time job, house and love. Basically become an adult and actually have some normality and regularity in my life.

One Day

Hi All, These last few weeks have been super hectic for me. I have been working a lot and found myself in a routine of waking up daily at 6am and going about my whole day at work, coming home and then going to sleep at midnight. This has been my cycle now for three weeks. Being self employed this is unusual as I would typically have a day off, but I did a 16 day stretch of work (yay me!) and actually liked it (mainly as I was getting paid!). However, I made time to reflect on my life and what I wanted in the future. Those of you who read my blog will know my post where I talked about my plans for the coming year (See 'What do you do when everything is broken' Oct 16) and what I wanted to achieve. Well through my reflection I realised that I started to make a list of things I will do 'one day.' These are things that I want to do when I finally get into a relationship. They range from activities, to trips and even small things like ideas for things we can cook together

Better late than never

Hi all, Recently I read an article about a 96 year old Polish man who finally came out as being gay to his whole family. It made me think about his life, what he has been through and the struggles he must have faced knowing he was gay throughout his life. This man has lived through world wars, poverty in his country, the rise of new powers and the trials and tribulations of everyday family life. All knowing that he couldn't come out as gay as his society would shun and reject him, his country wasn't open to homosexual relationships and religious views were against him entirely. This resonates with me in many ways. Whilst I have said before I am lucky enough to live in the UK, where gay relationships are legal, and people can enter marriages with same sex partners, I have other trials that are similar to this mans. I too will face rejection from my family for being gay, I too have a religious belief that does not coincide with homosexuality and I too have a society, albeit

No strings (like Hendrix)

Hi All, You know when you get that feeling where you just want sex? It plays in your mind and you can't stop thinking about it? We all go through it. Some people find comfort in random flings with guys from apps (I have in the past), but an upgrade from this is a friend with benefits. There are advantages to this, you know each other, you are comfortable with each other (which isn't the case when you meet someone for a random fuck) and best of all you can have an actual conversation after. I found myself in a situation like this recently with a friend I made from Growlr. He had been messaging me to meet up, under the pretence that we would talk and hang out, but I knew what would ensue. The first few times I was busy with work, taking on emergency cover and had to cancel meeting him, but as I said before I was going through a sex withdrawal phase and decided to meet up with him after a couple of months had passed. I explained it would be after work, which was fine with him

Once I was 7 years old...

Hi All, Today has been a weird day for me. It started off as a normal Sunday, but throughout the morning I felt apathetic and in one of those 'I can't be bothered with today' moods. It went with me to work and I couldn't shake it off. I still did my Sunday jobs and all in all I was fine, but every customer that annoyed me in the slightest I felt like shouting at for wasting my time. I didn't, but wanted to for some reason. I don't usually feel like that, but today was a 'don't fuck with me' day. I shrugged it off and continued with work, quieter than usual, but I survived. At lunch however I got to know a bit more as to why I was feeling like this. The Lukas Graham song was playing, and that got me thinking about my first reaction when I heard the song. My first reaction was sadness. Here you have a guy talking about relationships he has forged, or will forge in the future, and how he hopes and dreams to always have people around him that will l

I won't blow your high

Hi All, This weekend I was in Berlin (leaving today and feeling so sad). It's a great city, so friendly and a really amazing gay scene (bear overload). I went with V (Lady was supposed to come too but couldn't). We had a blast, I will definitely be coming back. I think the most vivid time I can remember here was the first night. It was Saturday, and there were some great clubs open. We found out there was a bear party being held in Schwurz, which is a big club featuring three rooms with different genres of music. It looked good, and I like clubs that have a bit of variety as you can move around and get different experiences and sounds. We started the night in a small bar, it had good reviews and was actually a quaint place. It's somewhere you can chill and enjoy the scene. After a few drinks we decided I head over to Schwurz. We got to the station that CityMapper guided us to and found ourselves in the middle of an industrial estate. It turns out that the location tagg

Ice ice baby

Hi All, The weather recently in London has been stupidly cold. Now being a winter baby I love the cold weather, that being said I like it enough to appreciate what being wrapped up warm. Yesterday night however I didn't appreciate the cold at all. Let me start with some back story; I met a guy on tinder (Mr Oz) and we decided to meet up for drinks. Initially I said I was free so we decided to meet in central, but later that day I realised I was working and we had to move it out towards South London. This actually worked out perfect for his as we met in the area he lived in, a fact I found out when we met. So after work I drove over. He suggested a bar that had actually closed down at the beginning of January so we quickly decided on a pub nearby. I parked up my car and walked over, thinking I would find him inside. It was packed! Literally, which is odd for a Thursday night in this area. It was ok, I didn't mind it being busy at all. I couldn't see him and messaged, to

Shine a light on me

Hey all, A funny thing happened to me on Friday. I had a date with a guy who I had been speaking to for a few weeks. We met on tinder and instantly hit it off. Lets call him El Cohete ;). We decided to meet for coffee, and get to know each other more. I drove to just outside Reading and met with him. Our initial plan for going for coffee backfired as the place was closed, so we went to a bar and had mocktails. The evening went well, we have similar interests, laughed a lot and conversation just flowed. He was really sweet and complimentary too which is a bonus. As the evening went further along we decided to leave as the bar was closing and walked back to our cars, which we parked in a supermarket car park. He hugged me, and said that he would do more but it was freezing cold, which it was - I was literally shivering, and his body was giving me something but it wasn't warmth ;). I suggested we sit in his car for a bit and chat for while we heat up. Well one thing turned to ano

I'm only human after all

Hi all, So much has happened in the last few weeks, everything feels like a blur! I said goodbye to my 20's, got a major achievement in my education, worked overtime, had family time, went to a wedding, went to a funeral, came out to my sister.... Oh yeah, that happened! Let me tell you how it went down: So I had been thinking and planning to tell my sister over the holidays for quite some time (around 2 months). I was waiting for the opportunity for us to be alone, so I could tell her and then deal with the conversation afterwards. My parents were going to be away so it was the perfect time. Unfortunately it is also a busy time of year, meaning lots of family around so was hard to be alone with her. But I managed to find a brief moment when we were driving to my brothers house. We had just been to a family friends funeral, he was quite young, it puts life into perspective. I think my brother felt this particularly as he was a similar age to him, and so invited us round his ho