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I'm only human after all

Hi all,

So much has happened in the last few weeks, everything feels like a blur! I said goodbye to my 20's, got a major achievement in my education, worked overtime, had family time, went to a wedding, went to a funeral, came out to my sister.... Oh yeah, that happened! Let me tell you how it went down:

So I had been thinking and planning to tell my sister over the holidays for quite some time (around 2 months). I was waiting for the opportunity for us to be alone, so I could tell her and then deal with the conversation afterwards. My parents were going to be away so it was the perfect time. Unfortunately it is also a busy time of year, meaning lots of family around so was hard to be alone with her. But I managed to find a brief moment when we were driving to my brothers house. We had just been to a family friends funeral, he was quite young, it puts life into perspective. I think my brother felt this particularly as he was a similar age to him, and so invited us round his house for dinner that night. On the way there I probed the conversation and we finally got onto the topic of marriage (we are both single, she is older and has pressures, I am getting pressured to be married too etc). She then asked if I when I would get married. I was silent for a brief second and said it depends if I am allowed to. She then asked why and I told her 'because I'm gay.' At this point we were on the motorway and she was driving. Its a bit of a dangerous game I played as she could have lost focus, but she kept her composure and said 'ok.'

We then had a brief conversation about what it meant. She asked if I was sure and I reassured her that I knew, and had known since I was 9. We talked about how I couldn't be out, at least not in my family. We both talked about how my brothers would not accept it, and my parents would be heartbroken and it would destroy them. I was sad, but I knew this would be the case. It is something I have prepared for pretty much ever since I accepted that I was gay. We chatted for a bit then got to my brothers house. We didn't act any differently towards each other, and the evening was fine.

The next day she wanted to continue the conversation in the evening after I returned from work. She was keen, with lots of questions. She also felt bad as she thought she reacted badly to my coming out, but she was fine. She doesn't approve of the sex, but that won't stop me lol. We chatted about the implications of being muslim and gay, and I told her that I have made peace with it. She was confused but accepted as I was explaining calmly how I got to that decision. She mentioned a few things like marriage of convenience, or how can I know if I haven't been with a girl etc, but I told her neither of those are an option for me. She accepts it in her own way I guess. I think its a good thing that she knows though. She will help keep some pressure off from my mum about marriage while I figure out how I can move out and not be married (at least to a girl). I guess that will be the next step from this, and I will have some time now to think about how best to tackle that problem. Take it one day at a time.

A
x

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