Skip to main content

I'm only human after all

Hi all,

So much has happened in the last few weeks, everything feels like a blur! I said goodbye to my 20's, got a major achievement in my education, worked overtime, had family time, went to a wedding, went to a funeral, came out to my sister.... Oh yeah, that happened! Let me tell you how it went down:

So I had been thinking and planning to tell my sister over the holidays for quite some time (around 2 months). I was waiting for the opportunity for us to be alone, so I could tell her and then deal with the conversation afterwards. My parents were going to be away so it was the perfect time. Unfortunately it is also a busy time of year, meaning lots of family around so was hard to be alone with her. But I managed to find a brief moment when we were driving to my brothers house. We had just been to a family friends funeral, he was quite young, it puts life into perspective. I think my brother felt this particularly as he was a similar age to him, and so invited us round his house for dinner that night. On the way there I probed the conversation and we finally got onto the topic of marriage (we are both single, she is older and has pressures, I am getting pressured to be married too etc). She then asked if I when I would get married. I was silent for a brief second and said it depends if I am allowed to. She then asked why and I told her 'because I'm gay.' At this point we were on the motorway and she was driving. Its a bit of a dangerous game I played as she could have lost focus, but she kept her composure and said 'ok.'

We then had a brief conversation about what it meant. She asked if I was sure and I reassured her that I knew, and had known since I was 9. We talked about how I couldn't be out, at least not in my family. We both talked about how my brothers would not accept it, and my parents would be heartbroken and it would destroy them. I was sad, but I knew this would be the case. It is something I have prepared for pretty much ever since I accepted that I was gay. We chatted for a bit then got to my brothers house. We didn't act any differently towards each other, and the evening was fine.

The next day she wanted to continue the conversation in the evening after I returned from work. She was keen, with lots of questions. She also felt bad as she thought she reacted badly to my coming out, but she was fine. She doesn't approve of the sex, but that won't stop me lol. We chatted about the implications of being muslim and gay, and I told her that I have made peace with it. She was confused but accepted as I was explaining calmly how I got to that decision. She mentioned a few things like marriage of convenience, or how can I know if I haven't been with a girl etc, but I told her neither of those are an option for me. She accepts it in her own way I guess. I think its a good thing that she knows though. She will help keep some pressure off from my mum about marriage while I figure out how I can move out and not be married (at least to a girl). I guess that will be the next step from this, and I will have some time now to think about how best to tackle that problem. Take it one day at a time.

A
x

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Welcome to my house

Hi All, I got the best news this week! I’m going to be a home (flat) owner!!!! For those that know me and my story you will know that this is a big deal. It means I can finally move out of my parents place and start living life the way I want to, and in pride month no less. What better opportunity could I ask for? It means that I can live with the love of my life, and do all the cute and fun couple-y things that we were always meant to do.  It means I can just be me. That’s the main point really. No more hiding who I am, no more having to answer to others. Free to be who I want, go where I want, come back to the flat whoever I want. It’s not like I’m in a jail sentence at home, but the comments made on how late I come back home do take their toll. I’m the type of person who wants it to be easy, don’t cause too much of a fuss and that way no fights or arguments happen. I mean I am human and I will provoke sometimes, but for the most part I’m easy going and want things to be

This is the end

Hi All, I hope you have all been well, and that these troubled times of COVID are getting better in your respective countries. Thankfully with the vaccines out things will eventually get better and somewhat back to normal. I hope everyone is staying strong during these times too, as they are tough and have really tested humanity to almost breaking point. I realise it has been a long time since my last post. I mentioned a few posts ago that I have run out of things to say about my journey. I have a wonderful partner, a lovely home with him and a nice balance with my family who I can keep my secret life a secret from. So things are going well. This is something the 'me' of a few years ago would have never imagined. I remember a time when I was doubtful I would ever be this happy and in a long term relationship. But I persevered and am better for it now. Even during a pandemic and lockdown(s) I have remained happy, and thankful that I could still work.  I guess one of the reasons

Out

Hi all, Hope everyone is keeping safe from the pandemic and that the pressures are starting to ease off a little in terms of lockdown. It has definitely been a strange year, and it will continue to be for a little while longer. I honestly feel we should write off 2020 and forget it ever happened. Despite all the tragedies and despair there have been nice things to come from it. People are being friendlier towards each other and helping neighbours. They are innovating in times of need and helping out in any way that they can. It will be tough to move forward, and the effects of the lockdown will last for a generation, but we will endure. My post is about a little gem that I found on Disney+ called Out. It's a short animation about a closeted gay man who is struggling to tell his parents about his boyfriend, and the reason he is moving because of it. This is a first for Disney, as they have never really showed an out and proud gay character in anything before. They have alluded