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Fat, femme and Asian

Hi All,

It's been a few hectic weeks for me recently, mainly with work, but also some fun, which was really needed. As part of said fun I was using the apps trying to find the 'one' (or the one right now). However, I noticed that a lot more profiles were being very specific with what they were looking for. This isn't uncommon within the gay dating app community, but more or less every other profile was describing their ideal hookup or partner. This can be a good thing as you can see if you match the description and are more likely to get a response (people still don't have manners and will choose not to reply to a profile they don't like), and maybe even meet up. I get it, it makes things easier and I like that preferences are out in the open, as you can find what you want and not have to put much effort into it.

That's all well and good, until you see the 'no asians' or 'whites only' profiles. Now this can start a whole debate on racism within the dating community. I guess since I started using the apps a few years ago I have seen profiles that state these preferences. In my mind I think 'oh well' or 'their loss' but in reality it makes you wonder what type of person will accept Asians. Now I'm definitely not saying that I haven't found people from the apps, as that wouldn't be true at all, but recently I have had to scroll past many profiles to find people who haven't stated their racial preference. Some of these have led to people saying they aren't interested (which is common) and others have led to dates. But in a the fast paced world that we live in, is it really bad if we say what we want? Is it bad that we only like a certain type of person? I don't think that is wrong at all. We like what we like. Personally I keep an open mind, however not everyone is the same. The important thing to realise is not to take it to heart and find someone better suited for you.

A friend of mine, KK, has had these experiences a lot. He a of South Asian decent, like me, but is Sikh (I'm Muslim for those that do not know). He is a lovely guy, but we are definitely within each other's friendzones. He has a turban and a beard, and has told me before that he has found a lot of people saying that they don't want Asian men. He has even had people outrightly say no because of his turban. He reacts the same way I do, blocks and moves on. He doesn't have time for small minded people, and neither do I. He even has his own preferences, so tries to edit the searches toward what he likes. I do the same, I am attracted to fellow hairy guys, but I can also appreciate the less hairy. Whilst I do like what I like, I am not opposed to trying something new.

I guess that's a healthy way of looking at it. You never know what you may find when you venture out of what you tend to prefer. Everyone is different, and has an interesting story to tell. As for any profiles I see with 'no Asians' in the future, I'm sorry but you're missing out. We are amazing.

A
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