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I don’t give a FVCK

Hi All,

It had been a while since my last post and so much has gone on in my life since. Major news is that I am not with bae anymore, mainly due to my circumstance of living at home and leading a double life. It hurt, a lot, but I want him to be happy and we are still friends so that is great. Work has been trudging along, although they have yet to pay me for December so I am living it lean for a while. I had a few interviews for jobs, so fingers crossed that one of them works out and I can start the next chapter of my life. All in all I remain hopeful for 2018 and can’t believe it’s already February so it’s flying by.

What I wanted to talk about today was something I witnessed yesterday at the clinic, and yes I am saying clinic the same was Alaska said it in Snatch Game (God bless Mae West). I went to get my last injection to give me immunity towards HPV. For those that don’t know, HPV is a virus that can be transmitted via sexual contact, and can leave you with warts or precancerous lesions. Some forms of HPV lead on to cancer of the sexual organs so it is great that we have a vaccine towards them that is effective at keeping you safe. I advise anyone to get vaccinated, gay or straight, as it saves lives. Anyway, I was at the clinic and everything was the same as usual. Lots of people there looking at the phones and avoiding eye contact alwith anyone. One guy though had different plans for what he was going to do. He was sitting using Grindr on his phone, and the fact that he had the sounds on very loud meant he didn’t give a fvck who knew about it. As soon as I heard the iconic notification though I just started laughing inside. How ironic that he is at the clinic and on Grindr. I have said it before and I will say it again, the clinic is not the right time or place to look for a hookup. Period.

I had my back towards this guy, so I couldn’t see what he looked like. But from the sounds I could tell he was having a full on conversation with at least one person. I resisted the urge to look as I was trying to get over the shock of what I was hearing. There’s nothing wrong with being on Grindr, it was just the time and place that shocked. He may have been all clear and nothing wrong. Could be here for the same reasons as me, just to get a vaccine for something he has never had but could be at risk to. I went through options in my head. When I was called in I got up and turned round to head towards the room. I then glanced over and saw him. Now I don’t like to judge, but sometimes your inner thoughts get the better of you and you roll with it. I saw the culprit of the message tones. He didn’t look like he was just waiting for a vaccine, and if so then it would be for treatment and not prevention. I know I judged, but it was the vibe I got for him.

Throughout my consultation I was left wondering if the person he was talking to knew he was at the clinic. I know the apps are trying to battle issue with positive people and giving a clearer indication of someone’s status, but they don’t mention any other STDs. Probably as people will be put off, which makes sense as no one wants and STD. After I get out I could still hear the notifications and so could everyone else. I looked around and people were all trying to avoid the fact he was on Grindr. I guess everyone felt awkward except for the purportrator himself. I said a silent prayer for the person he was talking to and left.

In some ways I can admire the person. He was brave enough to not give a fvck who knew he was on Grindr. He felt safe as this was a special LGBTQ+ clinic, so he was with his people. But in other ways I felt a bit odd and sorry for him and the person he was talking to. I shrugged it off as it isn’t really any of my business and left the clinic.

To each their own.



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