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So don’t you bring me down today

Hi all,

It’s been a crazy few weeks so nice my last post. I had a minor surgery (all planned for and it went well), booked a few holidays, a Gaycation (tm GuyGinaMonologues 2018) for my first ever pride festival! (So so so excited!) and another for an explorers holiday in the Far East (can’t wait for the food), I started fasting (which is another reason I can’t wait for food lol) and had an interview for the position I’m already doing. It’s been interesting to say the least. One thing that I have noticed however is that I feel really good about myself recently. I have noticed the change over the last few months, but I can’t pinpoint exactly what has changed to male me feel this way. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining one but, but it got me thinking as to why now, and how can I keep this feeling going.

Let’s start a few months ago. I have already spoken about how I gave up sugar back in December, and so far this is still going well and strong. As a result I have lost a little weight, and don’t get as tired as often as I did before. Now weight loss of any kind, when you want to lose weight of course, can have that euphoric effect on people, and you instantly feel good about it. So this I think can be one of the bases as to why I have felt content with myself recently. People have been commenting positively and that has also helped. But I think the weirdest part about it is that I had stopped caring so much about how my body looks. It’s strange, all this time I wanted to lose weight, and now I don’t actually care anymore about my size, and just have stopped worrying about it so much. I wasn’t exactly fat, just had a few extra pounds on me, so I didn’t have to worry too much. What I have found is that after I stopped caring things were just easier. I never really obsessed with my weight, so it’s not like I suddenly had more time to think of other things, I just stopped caring about how I am perceived, which for me was a big thing. I would always make sure I didn’t get in anyone’s way, always made sure that I wasn’t offending anyone with my appearance. But now I don’t care. I wear shorts when it's hot, and yes I don’t have skinny fit jean legs, but then again I don’t care about that.

I have gotten to the point that if people were to be offended by my body that I would go out of my way to annoy them more. I have finally learned to celebrate the body that I have. I have stopped putting myself down, which for me is a big thing, and people who know me will know thats a big step in the right direction. You hear a lot about body positivity but it never really sunk in for me. I would see people with larger bodies really happy in their photos, with such confidence, and I would want to have the same. It would always bring a smile to my face when I saw these people being who they are and not caring about the trolls that would try to dull their lustre. In fact in my social media accounts recently I have gone as far as muting accounts where people fish for compliments by showing off their perfect bodies. Really I find it a game now. If that is how they wish to live their lives then so be it, but I have the power to stop that intruding on mine, and I take full advantage of that. I never really found abs sexy anyway. Give me a man with more meat and I will give that man more love, as there is more of him to love.

My changed mood could also be down to the fact it is summer, and generally longer days mean more time for fun. The weather, although has been a bit weird recently, is gerally better and moods are lifted because of this. But more essentially, I also feel that changes are occurring in my life after the longest time of being stagnant. I could potentially get the job I have been working in for the last year, and as soon as that happens I can finally dust off that list I made over 2 years ago, and move out to my own place to start life fresh and ready to tackle anything. For me that is the best part about me feeling better about myself. The fact that I know I can do anything and I will.

Watch out world, this determined, more confident me is here to stay. I can’t wait to shake it all up.

A
x

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